The One About the Mean Girls

The other day, Kim from After the Ball, wrote a list of characteristics of people that she might not be compatible with as friends. The number one item on this list was mean girls and I found this to be interesting, since um……me too. Alot. Especially lately.

It seems that recently I have been chosen to participate in a test of patience called See How Long You Can Tolerate the Bad Behavior of the Snotty Girls in Your Daughter’s Class, also known as Reliving Your Junior High Years.

It sucked the first time through. I really didn’t need a refresher course. And I saw the movie. You know the one? It’s called Mean Girls? And they were. Mean, that is. But to live it out, through your daughter’s eyes? It’s just downright painful.

The difference is, though, that she is not in Junior High. She is in fifth grade. These girls are 10 or 11? And yet, they are just as bad as their 12, 13 and 14 year old counterparts. They say and do all the things that mean girls say and do, and it hurts me just as much as it hurts her.

This Mean Girl business started up around the end of last year, in fact, and it has escalated to a point where I don’t know what to do, or if there is anything that I CAN do about it. It seems that there is one Queen Bee in particular that is running the show in Fifth Grade. And she has her little Wannabes in a group that follow her every move. This girl will TELL you that she IS the MOST POPULAR girl in fifth grade. That might be because her sidekicks are telling HER that all the time. She walks like she’s “it”, she talks like she is “it”, so I guess that makes her “it’? I don’t know.

She and her posse are cooler than cool, and feel that it is their job to imform everyone else that they are not, if they are not part of the clique. You should see these girls trying to fit into this group! They BEG their moms to invite Queen Bee to sleepover, etc. And the moms cave to the pressure. It is sick.

One thing I do know is that I am so glad that Allison talks to me frequently about this. I see it at school when I am subbing, but I get the inside scoop from her. She is not part of the posse. And I am glad. (Because if MY daughter ever…….well, you get the idea…)

Now you might say “Sounds like sour grapes to me.” And I can see why you might feel that way at first blush. But really, here’s the deal. Allison really has no desire to be friends with these girls. And I love that. I see these other girls who are willing to do anything to be part of the group and it scares me. And Allison, she is not interested. She never has been a follower. I am so thankful that she knows who she is well enough to know that she does not want to be around girls like that. But….and there is a big “but” here…..she does not want to be embarrassed by them anymore. And it’s not just her, lots of other girls, too. And they should not have to be.

I have spoken to the teachers and have gotten no results. The general feeling is that this is how it is at this age. Not reassuring at all, I might add, and very frustrating. So we have resorted to encouraging Allison to resort to making remarks back when they belittle her about being “so flat” as she dresses out in the girls’ room for P.E. class. (um, hello…..you are supposed to be flat when you are all of eleven years old) And it pisses me off that any girl should have to endure that kind of pressure about her body. I know. I have felt it myself. It. Sucks.

So I am not sure that I am doing the right thing, but for now spending lots of time talking to her about it helps, I guess. And I guess that it will get worse before it gets better.

I just love her so much. I want to protect her. And I can’t. So I guess I have to empower her.

What I need…

I saw this over at Moogie’s today and had to steal it.

Go to Google. Type in your name and the word “needs”. Like this: “Kim needs”.

Here’s what I found out:

Kim needs to talk. Um, yeah. Why the heck do you think I HAVE this blog? I have things to get off my chest!

Kim needs to shut up. Okay. This may be true, but it’s a little contradictory to the first one, don’t you think? And you could ask politely. Talk. Shut up. Talk. Shut up. Make up your frickin’ mind!

Kim needs to take off the gloves. Actually my nail tech seems to think I need to wear them more often.

Kim needs some guinea pigs. I do? Where the hell am I going to put THOSE?

Kim needs a plumber. Damn! What the hell is broken around here now?? It had better not be the john.

Find out what you need and let me know what it is. Because I need to know. Unless your name is Kim though. Cuz already know what you need!

It WAS Hump Day after all

Last night I am cooking dinner and Trent comes and says this to me.

“Mom, when I was in Spanish class something funny happened”

Me: ”What was that?”

Trent: “Senora Toledo just DID NOT know what Tomas was doing!”

Me: “What do you mean? What was he doing?”

Trent: “He was humping.” (laughs)

Me: “WHAT? He was doing WHAT?” (concerned because how the hell does he know what humping is?)

Trent: “Humping, Mom. Like this!” (hums loudly)

Me: “OH! Humming! You mean humming!” (relieved)

Trent: ” Yeah! Humming!”

Thank GOD!

The Battle of the Beans

I say it’s the beans, but actually it is vegetables all together. The beans took center stage tonight however. Trent hates them. All vegetables. Hates. Did I mention that he hates them?

To work around this little dining issue we have had to sort of compromise. Instead of forcing the vegetable issue every night, I substitute the vegetables that the rest of us are eating with one of the three fruits that Trent will in fact eat. That would be apples, strawberries or bananas. Or applesauce. Usually this works out just fine, but every once in awhile I get a wild hair and decide to stage a vegetable challenge.

I don’t know why I do this. I really should have learned my lesson by now. I know that I never, ever win at this game, and yet I persist. This kid is stubborn with a capital S an no matter what I cannot ever pull one over on him.

I have tried hiding the vegetables. I have tried disguising them. We’ve tried bribery. We’ve tried enticing him with a dancing party if he eats them. We’ve said that we will sing. Brett makes funny faces. We tout how big and strong he will get. We beg. We plead. We beg some more. We threaten to take away dessert. *ouch*

And he pouts. Clamps his damn mouth shout even. And it always ends up miserably.

Almost every time, without fail, there is gagging. And at least one time the whole dinner actually came up, making me reluctant to pursue the issue further, because well….who wants to a) be responsible for making your kid throw up and b) be responsible for cleaning up the aftermath, especially during dinner? But it’s the guilt that I can’t stand. I did this. I MADE him do this. BAD mommy!

Tonight I warned him ahead of time that I would be placing one green bean on his plate and that I expected him to eat it, or at the very least try it or there would be no dessert, and he pitched a fit right away, announcing loudly in a rather defiant tone that he WOULD NOT be eating it, that beans are yucky, and he HATES them. Did I mention yet that he hates them?

WIth one look I recruited Brett and Allison into helping the cause and they launched into all the ways you could make them taste better, and that they really were good because mommy cooked them with bacon and you love bacon. And besides you’ve never really tried them. How do you know if you like something or not if you haven’t even tried them?

There was not one iota of interest.

I could see this was going to be a battle, so we doused them in butter, a favorite of Trent’s. He would eat the whole stick if you let him. And nope. Nothing.

Stinker!

And then I had a brainstorm. Ding, ding, ding! Money. I know, I know. You’re thinking, you didn’t! Next to using candy,it has got to be the most shameful way of coercing a kid to do something that I can think of, but I was DESPERATE to win this time. I kept thinking if I can just get the damn bean in his mouth he’ll like it and then I’ll never have to do this again and he’ll be begging for beans all the time!

I whip out my wallet and wave a dollar in front of his eyes.

“I’ll give you one dollar if you eat that bean.” Bingo! I had his attention!

“Really?” he said with reluctance, but a twinkle in his eyes that said I had his interest piqued.

”Let’s make it two dollars.” I said. Eyes open wider!

“Hmmmm……” he says.

“Three.” I add.

“Three dollars AND dessert!” he countered. What the hell is this? Let’s Make a Deal?

So I agree to this little arrangement.

He picks up the bean, still loaded in butter, and holds it in front of his mouth with apprehension, and yet he wants the money. So he pops it in his mouth.

I’m thinking YES! This is it! This is the moment! I am SO smart!

Yeah. WhatEVER.

The bean is not even in his mouth all the way and the gag starts coming. And out pops the bean into his napkin and the tears start.

“SEE!” he shouts at me, “I HATE beans!”

And I lose again. And there is the guilt, because he really didn’t get dessert. And I feel mean. But I can’t break the number one rule of parenting: Never, ever go back on a threat. I threatened the dessert. I had to follow through and I hated it.

But do you know what he said to me?

“I don’t want dessert anyway. I’m not hungry anymore.”

Bad mommy…..*sigh*

You’re probably going to tell me to quit my bitching

Over the last couple of months I have shamelessly bragged commented several times about how much I am enjoying being a stay at home mom while my kids are at school. I have been seriously taking advantage of the freedom I have acquired doing all of the things that I used to make fun of stay at home moms for being able to do. Must be NICE to be able to go get a pedicure and do your grocery shopping all. by. yourself. It is.

All of that came screeching to a halt this week when, in addition to the two days of tutoring I do during the week, I accepted six days in a row of substitute teaching. What the hell was I thinking? No gym? No errands all. by. myself? Damn! I have been spoiled. I actually got depressed the day before I was supposed to sub, knowing that I would not have a day to myself for about ten days!

I thought, when I decided to make myself available for subbing, that this would be so easy. I have been a teacher for sixteen years. I have always loved teaching. Outside of all the bullshit of dealing with the parents, report cards, conferences, administration, paperwork, etc. being with the kids was so much fun. I loved coming up with fun ways for them to learn something and seeing the lightbulb go on! And this is the same school that my kids attend, and also the school that I taught at for the last thirteen years. I mean, how hard can it be? I know subbing can be a challenge, but many, many of these kids know who I am and what kind of teacher I am. They know what I expect. They know my own kids.

Here’s what I have discovered: the truth is….none of those things matter very much. To kids. The truth is, very simply, you are NOT the regular teacher and so they absolutely MUST test you. It’s in their blood. They can’t help it. They simply cannot resist. And when you are not the regular teacher it is not all that much fun. There is not that much opportunity to come up with fun ways to learn.

One thing is for sure, I have a whole new respect for specialty teachers. A month ago I subbed for the art teacher for a week. For two days this week, I subbed for the librarian. She is AMAZING. She does all the librarian stuff AND teaches a full load of classes. Having always taught at grade level, I forgot how much energy it takes to switch from kindergarten to sixth grade in a matter of minutes. It’s been a good challenge for me, even if it is not that much fun. Even though I am not teaching a class full time, I can still push myself to grow as a teacher. I’d just rather not do it six days in a row.

I have loved getting hugs from my former students. I have loved seeing my own kids at school. I have loved seeing my teacher friends. All good things.

And these past two days, I subbed for the Spanish teacher. All of the spanish videos and music left me with a serious hankering for mexican food. I joked to Brett that I may have to stop at Taco Bell on my way home and was treated to a dinner of homemade fajitas and margaritas! Bonus!

Monday and Tuesday I am in fourth grade and we are taking a field trip.

After that I am free. It’ll just be me. All. by. Myself.

Ah, yes! I think remember what that is like…. ;>)

This is not a MONTHLY blog, really

I haven’t been posting.

Not because I haven’t wanted to, because I do think in “blog post” terms on most days. I am often thinking “oh, this would make a good post” and then by the end of the day there has just not been the intellectual energy to write about it. Time has been tighter, since I have been subbing a bit more lately, but honestly it is the “perfection” thing that has me bogged down.

Even though I haven’t been writing, I have still been reading my favorite blogs religiously and I click away from many of them, who post just about Every. Single. Day. with this incredible envy. They obviously sit down and whip out their posts each day as part of their routine. Sometimes they write about “blog burnout” or “writer’s block”, but pretty much they are like the mailman: come rain, hail, sleet or snow……somehow they are just there.

Not me.

Nooooo. I have to sit and weigh every word. I have to turn something I really like to do and often comes pretty easily into something that is hard and laborious because I might not say it just the right way. So let’s just not say it all, right? I mean, it takes TIME to think of all the right words, and I just haven’t had enough to do that. Hence the monthlong gap between posts. I’m not sure if anyone even reads me anymore. Gah!

So my goal is to try to post daily. No thinking too much allowed. Just writing.

See you tomorrow?