Once upon a time Trent asked if he could try celery.
His mom and dad were surprised because, well….celery is green.
His dad put peanut butter on the celery.
Trent bit the celery.
He chewed the celery.
He SWALLOWED the celery.
The celery stayed swallowed.
Trent’s mom passed out from the shock.
They lived happily ever after.
THE END.
Another Thanksgiving has come and gone. Unbelievable.
I spent very little time in the blogosphere in the last week. But I spent enough time to read the requisite thankful posts of many bloggers and I, too, am thankful for the usual things that most commented on, such as families and friends and yes, even the readers and commenters of this very blog. But I must say that this year, more than ever, I am most thankful for my marriage.
I gushed about Brett a few months ago and I meant every word. I have always been lucky to have him, but I am also thankful that this year I learned some very important lessons, the hard way, about marriage and being a couple that I hope will make us an even better team.
That being said, somewhere between the Macy’s parade and the leftover turkey and stuffing, Brett and I attended a wedding this weekend. This is the first wedding we have been to in quite awhile since we are in the stage of life where some of the people in our age group change “life partners” more often than they change their underwear.
The wedding was on Black Friday and it was a fairy tale beach wedding where there were no expenses spared. The kind of wedding every girl dreams about, but very few actually get, though they do their best to create it to the best of their creative and financial abilities. It also, like most weddings, had taken an awful lot of work to make as beautiful as it was and I had heard how the bride had worked tirelessly on it for months.
I don’t know about most people, but I am a sucker for life moments like weddings. I loved my wedding and I am a sap for the emotional pull on my heartstrings that I get out of witnessing one. But I sat there and watched the beautiful bride and groom on the most beautiful day of their lives so far and for the first time ever…all I felt was sad.
I kept thinking about a few years back when we vacationed in Newport and I found a little boutique with the cutest little wooden signs with the cleverest little sayings on them. The one that really struck a chord with me was one that read “And they lived happily ever after.” So I bought it and hung it.
Not too long ago Trent asks, “What does that say, Mom?” And I tell him it says “And they lived happily ever after.” And he says, “Just like in stories, right Mom? What does that mean?” I realize he’s talking about the books we read at bedtime sometimes.
The fairy tales.
Just like the wedding. A fairy tale.
I thought about that moment as I watched this wedding, feeling sad. Just what does this “happily ever after” stuff mean? When I explained it to Trent, who is five, I said it meant that someone was happy together for the rest of their lives. But I mean, really, who lives their lives that way?
Do I know anyone who lived happily ever after?
No. I do not.
In fact, I know many who lived very unhappily.
So I have to wonder, why do so many children’s stories end with those six words? Is it because we are such a supremely optimistic society that we would choose to believe that this is how it all will work out for everyone? Let’s all just pretend things are perfect and, voila, they will be!
This might have something to do with why little girls have such an obsession with the Disney princesses. Besides the fact that they are beautiful, of course. Things always end great for them. Who wouldn’t want that life? I mean, who wants to hear that Cinderella lived happily until the prince started staying out for happy hour after work a little too long and never saw the kids? Or that Snow White and her prince lived happily until she had to go to rehab for her dependency on painkillers? Um, no one?
I listened to my friend the bride, who also looked like a princess by the way, say her vows to her groom and I wanted to say Are you absolutely certain you want to do this? Do you have any idea how HARD this will be? Do you know that life will NOT be a fairy tale, no matter how much money you make, how many children you have or how much you love each other? Will you be able to keep your vows? For better or for worse? Because many, many people can’t. It’s not all moonlight and calla lilies and champagne. Do you get that?
Why do we spend so much time and effort planning for the wedding and almost no time planning for the marriage? There needs to be something there after the cake is cut and the honeymoon is over.
And it made me sad that I felt that way, kind of cynical and jaded about a bright and hopeful time in a couple’s lives.
So I wonder, why do we put this “happily ever after” pressure on ourselves? Why do we build up the wedding day for little girls, and little boys too sometimes, with fairy tales and princesses when it is clearly unrealistic to do this? They count on “happily ever after” and sometimes end up with broken hearts. If you need proof, all you have to do is visit True Wife Confessions.
The only reason I can come up with is that we are an optimistic society who hopes for the best because it’s all we can do in an uncertain life. All we can do is realize that we are human and we will not be perfect, and neither will life. If we don’t believe that, then why bother getting married at all anyway? And little girls need to have something to look forward to because there are magical and wonderful moments in marriage. And some of the most magical are when you are going through the “worse” parts. You just don’t always know it at the time.
That is what “happily ever after” is, really. It’s loving the good and dealing with all the other crap along the journey. That’s as ”happily” as it gets. (Although I could never explain THAT to Trent so that he would understand.)
So, I will wish my bride friend a life that makes her happy. I, for one, am glad that I took the chance.
And, by the way, would somebody please write some new fairy tales?
When you are a mom, all kinds of things happen in the lives of your children that can be classified as milestones. There’s the big ones, the ones you expect, like walking and talking, and then sometimes something happens that you didn’t see coming. Something that truly makes a difference in your child’s life and just appears. Or sometimes it might be something that you knew would come eventually, but maybe not so soon.
Either way they are the “feel good” moments that parenthood, and childhood for that matter, are all about. And they ususally bring a smile.
We had two of these this weekend.
Last month, I wrote a post about Allison and the girls in her class. Um, can you say frustrated? I think that’s what you could have called us.
Well, Friday night we had a sleepover and it was a blessed event. Allison had two girls come from school and we made pizza and cookies and they made a beauty mask out of honey and bananas and watched Hannah Montana in their pj’s and made up a newscast that they acted out for us the next morning and they were NICE. They were average ordinary eleven year old girls doing what average ordinary eleven year old girls do and loving it.
There were no worries about cell phones, instant messaging accounts, or what other people thought. There was genuine laughter, smiles and fun, just the way it should be when you are eleven with your girlfriends on a Friday night. There WAS some giggling about some boys here and there, but again, totally normal. And it was precious.
And when they left, Allison said, “I had such a good time!” And so did I, watching her enjoy herself. It was because she invited the nice girls, and that’s her speed, and she was comfortable. It’s who she is and she discovered it. For both of us, that was a milestone, to be sure.
And the second thing?
Trent is learning to spell!
Now, he only just turned five, and the connections start to come around now, but this was the first time he tried to put sounds together by himself to spell a word. Usually he is incessantly asking, “How do you spell this?” and we are forever calling out letters to him to spell some ridiculously long sentence that takes two years to spell.
Yesterday? He colored a picture and wrote the name of what he colored on it. All. By. Himself. And what did he spell?
Are you ready for this?
SUBRMN.
Do you get it?
It was Superman. And I about fell out of my chair in disbelief. I mean, is that genius, or what? He tried to spell Superman. Not dog, or cat, or mom or dad. No, not any little measly four letter word. Not MY kid. He spells Superman.
Amazing.
God, I love my kids.
Tickets to Florida State Seminole football game: $158.00
Gas to and from Tallahassee: $80.00
Two Nights in Hotel room from hell in Tallahassee: $300.00
Hot Dogs, Cokes and Popcorn at the Game: $31.00
Foam #1 Finger from Souvenir Store: $4.00
Hearing your five year old ask “Is it almost over?”seventeen times Doing the Wave and the Tomahawk Chop With Your Kids at Your Alma Mater While Watching Them Actually WIN a Game for a Change: PRICELESS
GO NOLES!
This may not be long, because I am so pissed off I can hardly type straight. Of course this is better than I was a few hours ago, which was in a total state of blubbering idiocy. So at least we are moving forward.
And I won’t even begin to describe the level of anger that Brett is at right now.
This has to do with my body size. And I am on the thin side, I will admit it. I have not always been this way, although I have never been really heavy either. There have been times when I have not liked the way that my clothes fit. I mean, the jeans have been a little too tight at times, so to speak. Not that that is a bad thing. But as most girls can tell you, it never feels particularly good to put on something that you were looking forward to wearing only to discover that it will end up in a heap on the floor with the other twenty things you have to try on till you find The Outfit that won’t show your “muffin tops”.
And I am not a big dieter. Really. Because, and listen closely here…….I LOVE FOOD. I love to eat. All. Kinds. Of food. And I like it to go down and stay there, people. And if it has to come out, I want it to be from the back end, please.
But today, someone had the audacity to ACCUSE me, yes, I said ACCUSE (hence the pissed offedness), me of being anorexic. This person actuallly went out there and said that I look sick. She asked very personal accusing questions about my health and why I look this way out loud, in front of my family, and other people, and within earshot of my children that were incredibly embarrassing and hurtful. And she continued to HAMMER me with these accusations repeatedly saying it was because she loves me. Yeah. Okay. I normally do that sort of thing to people I love. You know how that works, embarrassing your loved ones? That really shows them that you love them. Whatever.
Granted, this isn’t someone I have seen in a very, very long time. I am considerably thinner than the last time she saw me. And since I became a total wreck as she was doing this to me and I couldn’t explain the “horrible condition” that my body is in to her, and since no one else there could bring themselves to do it for me either since I think they might have been as shocked as I was or didn’t want to become involved, this is why:
1) I am no longer working. I eat a lot less not working. When I worked we had two snacks each day and a school lunch to eat, and many times birthday treats, and chocolate cravings from the stress, and salt cravings from the stress, and stress and stress and more stress. I eat when I am stressed at school. Get it? I am not as stressed at home. Yay for me! Hence I have lost weight.
2) I am no longer working. I have learned how to eat better. I have learned to eat when I am hungry and stop eating when I am full and I listen to my body better. I never did that before and I still slip if something is really yummy. But I just don’t need as much food since I am listening to my body tell me when I am full. Didn’t you see Oprah last week? It’s leptin, people. Sounds like leprechaun? I’m not on a diet. I LISTEN. Hence I have lost weight.
and 3) I am no longer working. Did I mention that yet? I have time to EXERCISE. Which I never had before. I am in better shape strength-wise than I have ever been in my WHOLE frickin’ life. I go to the gym like four times a week. Because it feels good. Not because I am trying to lose weight.
So. To recap: I am not forever dieting. I am not trying to lose weight. I am feeling good. Got it?
Now here’s where I tell you why I am so fucking pissed, besides the fact that she made an embarrsing scene. Not once, during the entire time this person was grilling me about my weight, did she, nor anyone else for that matter, bother to ask me how I felt about my weight. That should matter, right? I mean, it is my body, right? Had I been asked, I would have said that I do, in fact, like the shape I am in. Do I have things about my body that I wish I could change? Sure. I don’t know many people who don’t. But my weight is not one of them right now. I like being thinner. And quite frankly, what I think is what is most important. I was disrespected.
So why does someone feel the need to attack me and try to make me feel bad about the way I look and then try to label it as LOVE? Don’t have the answer to that one. Seems a little twisted to me. But I won’t be able to ask her because I won’t be seeing her again if I can help it. I didn’t deserve to be treated that way and I won’t allow myself to be again.
That’s just me taking care of me. And that’s what I have to do.
*sigh* So much for a short post…….
