Ever After

Another Thanksgiving has come and gone. Unbelievable.

I spent very little time in the blogosphere in the last week. But I spent enough time to read the requisite thankful posts of many bloggers and I, too, am thankful for the usual things that most commented on, such as families and friends and yes, even the readers and commenters of this very blog. But I must say that this year, more than ever, I am most thankful for my marriage.

I gushed about Brett a few months ago and I meant every word. I have always been lucky to have him, but I am also thankful that this year I learned some very important lessons, the hard way, about marriage and being a couple that I hope will make us an even better team.

That being said, somewhere between the Macy’s parade and the leftover turkey and stuffing, Brett and I attended a wedding this weekend. This is the first wedding we have been to in quite awhile since we are in the stage of life where some of the people in our age group change “life partners” more often than they change their underwear.

The wedding was on Black Friday and it was a fairy tale beach wedding where there were no expenses spared. The kind of wedding every girl dreams about, but very few actually get, though they do their best to create it to the best of their creative and financial abilities. It also, like most weddings, had taken an awful lot of work to make as beautiful as it was and I had heard how the bride had worked tirelessly on it for months.

I don’t know about most people, but I am a sucker for life moments like weddings. I loved my wedding and I am a sap for the emotional pull on my heartstrings that I get out of witnessing one. But I sat there and watched the beautiful bride and groom on the most beautiful day of their lives so far and for the first time ever…all I felt was sad.

I kept thinking about a few years back when we vacationed in Newport and I found a little boutique with the cutest little wooden signs with the cleverest little sayings on them. The one that really struck a chord with me was one that read “And they lived happily ever after.” So I bought it and hung it.

Not too long ago Trent asks, “What does that say, Mom?” And I tell him it says “And they lived happily ever after.” And he says, “Just like in stories, right Mom? What does that mean?” I realize he’s talking about the books we read at bedtime sometimes.

The fairy tales.

Just like the wedding. A fairy tale.

I thought about that moment as I watched this wedding, feeling sad. Just what does this “happily ever after” stuff mean? When I explained it to Trent, who is five, I said it meant that someone was happy together for the rest of their lives. But I mean, really, who lives their lives that way?

Do I know anyone who lived happily ever after?

No. I do not.

In fact, I know many who lived very unhappily.

So I have to wonder, why do so many children’s stories end with those six words? Is it because we are such a supremely optimistic society that we would choose to believe that this is how it all will work out for everyone? Let’s all just pretend things are perfect and, voila, they will be!

This might have something to do with why little girls have such an obsession with the Disney princesses. Besides the fact that they are beautiful, of course. Things always end great for them. Who wouldn’t want that life? I mean, who wants to hear that Cinderella lived happily until the prince started staying out for happy hour after work a little too long and never saw the kids? Or that Snow White and her prince lived happily until she had to go to rehab for her dependency on painkillers? Um, no one?

I listened to my friend the bride, who also looked like a princess by the way, say her vows to her groom and I wanted to say Are you absolutely certain you want to do this? Do you have any idea how HARD this will be? Do you know that life will NOT be a fairy tale, no matter how much money you make, how many children you have or how much you love each other? Will you be able to keep your vows? For better or for worse? Because many, many people can’t. It’s not all moonlight and calla lilies and champagne. Do you get that?

Why do we spend so much time and effort planning for the wedding and almost no time planning for the marriage? There needs to be something there after the cake is cut and the honeymoon is over.

And it made me sad that I felt that way, kind of cynical and jaded about a bright and hopeful time in a couple’s lives.

So I wonder, why do we put this “happily ever after” pressure on ourselves? Why do we build up the wedding day for little girls, and little boys too sometimes, with fairy tales and princesses when it is clearly unrealistic to do this? They count on “happily ever after” and sometimes end up with broken hearts. If you need proof, all you have to do is visit True Wife Confessions.

The only reason I can come up with is that we are an optimistic society who hopes for the best because it’s all we can do in an uncertain life. All we can do is realize that we are human and we will not be perfect, and neither will life. If we don’t believe that, then why bother getting married at all anyway? And little girls need to have something to look forward to because there are magical and wonderful moments in marriage. And some of the most magical are when you are going through the “worse” parts. You just don’t always know it at the time.

That is what “happily ever after” is, really. It’s loving the good and dealing with all the other crap along the journey. That’s as ”happily” as it gets. (Although I could never explain THAT to Trent so that he would understand.)

So, I will wish my bride friend a life that makes her happy. I, for one, am glad that I took the chance.

And, by the way, would somebody please write some new fairy tales?

You’re probably going to tell me to quit my bitching

Over the last couple of months I have shamelessly bragged commented several times about how much I am enjoying being a stay at home mom while my kids are at school. I have been seriously taking advantage of the freedom I have acquired doing all of the things that I used to make fun of stay at home moms for being able to do. Must be NICE to be able to go get a pedicure and do your grocery shopping all. by. yourself. It is.

All of that came screeching to a halt this week when, in addition to the two days of tutoring I do during the week, I accepted six days in a row of substitute teaching. What the hell was I thinking? No gym? No errands all. by. myself? Damn! I have been spoiled. I actually got depressed the day before I was supposed to sub, knowing that I would not have a day to myself for about ten days!

I thought, when I decided to make myself available for subbing, that this would be so easy. I have been a teacher for sixteen years. I have always loved teaching. Outside of all the bullshit of dealing with the parents, report cards, conferences, administration, paperwork, etc. being with the kids was so much fun. I loved coming up with fun ways for them to learn something and seeing the lightbulb go on! And this is the same school that my kids attend, and also the school that I taught at for the last thirteen years. I mean, how hard can it be? I know subbing can be a challenge, but many, many of these kids know who I am and what kind of teacher I am. They know what I expect. They know my own kids.

Here’s what I have discovered: the truth is….none of those things matter very much. To kids. The truth is, very simply, you are NOT the regular teacher and so they absolutely MUST test you. It’s in their blood. They can’t help it. They simply cannot resist. And when you are not the regular teacher it is not all that much fun. There is not that much opportunity to come up with fun ways to learn.

One thing is for sure, I have a whole new respect for specialty teachers. A month ago I subbed for the art teacher for a week. For two days this week, I subbed for the librarian. She is AMAZING. She does all the librarian stuff AND teaches a full load of classes. Having always taught at grade level, I forgot how much energy it takes to switch from kindergarten to sixth grade in a matter of minutes. It’s been a good challenge for me, even if it is not that much fun. Even though I am not teaching a class full time, I can still push myself to grow as a teacher. I’d just rather not do it six days in a row.

I have loved getting hugs from my former students. I have loved seeing my own kids at school. I have loved seeing my teacher friends. All good things.

And these past two days, I subbed for the Spanish teacher. All of the spanish videos and music left me with a serious hankering for mexican food. I joked to Brett that I may have to stop at Taco Bell on my way home and was treated to a dinner of homemade fajitas and margaritas! Bonus!

Monday and Tuesday I am in fourth grade and we are taking a field trip.

After that I am free. It’ll just be me. All. by. Myself.

Ah, yes! I think remember what that is like…. ;>)

A Diner’s Dilemma

The kids are in school full time and I am home. Let me tell you, the freedom I am feeling is downright intoxicating. I am frickin’ OD-ing on the freedom. Not working, with kids at home with you 24/7 because you foolishly thought that just being together all summer would be enough: ouch. Not working, while your kids are at school all day: Hallelujah! After working for 16 years, I FINALLY have time for me. It feels a little selfish, and yet it doesn’t. Figure that one out. I finally get why the guy on the Staples ad is running around the store dancing to the song “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” and it ain’t cuz of Christmas.

Brett had a golf tournament recently that got rained out early in the day, so since I suddenly have this newfound FREEDOM (did I tell you that I am FREE?) to do as I please, he called me to see if I wanted to meet him for a drink. In the middle of the afternoon. Hmm. Let me think. When was the last time I went out for a drink in the middle of the day. I CAN’T think of a time in the last sixteen years that I went for a drink in the middle. of. the. afternoon. And on a weekday. Um, yes, I would love to do that. (Because I am FREE. Did I tell you that yet?) We met at this little place on the key that is definitely a touristy place called the Daiquiri Deck. Not somewhere we usually frequent, but hey, we don’t usually meet for a drink in the middle of the day either. It’s a great place to go for atmosphere (read: DAIQUIRIS, people!). It was heaven.

So we enjoyed this place so much that we decided to go back on Labor Day weekend for dinner. Now Brett and I are pretty much what you would call “foodies”. We like us a good meal. We particularly like a YUMMY meal. Nothing is worse than spending a perfectly good evening on bad food. In fact, when we are going out for the evening one of us will say, “Where do you want to go?” and the other one will always say “I don’t know. Just somewhere yummy.” You see, we worked in the restaurant business for years, cooking and waiting tables, so you could say our expectations when it comes to food and service are um, sort of high.

We look at the menu and decide we’d like to try the Conch Fritters. “Sorry,” the waitress says, “we just ran out.” So we say we’d like the Crab Stuffed Mushrooms. And they are out of them, too. So not a good start, you might say, except then I see on the SPECIALS menu that they have Tempura Vegetables for an appetizer. SOUNDS yummy. Haven’t had those in a really long time, like ever, and they are on SPECIAL, right? So those are a go and we wait, enjoying the daiquiris atmosphere while we are waiting.

Then comes the appetizer. And they bring us this plate with about seven or eight little, tiny vegetables fried in tempura batter. And in the middle of it is a plastic cup that is less than half full of some sort of stuff to dip it in. I mean, truly, it looked as if it had come off someone else’s plate and they hadn’t finished it. And the whole thing is sitting on top of a bed of iceberg lettuce, clearly to make it look like much more than it actually was. All this for $7.95. Excuse me? Are you kidding? THIS is the special? The vegetables alone had to have cost them, oh…about fifty cents!

So being the disappointed diner, I start complaining a little, to Brett, mind you. Not to the waitress. It just doesn’t seem right. Shouldn’t we complain? They should be ashamed to set this down in front of us really! And Brett agreed. But after discussing it for a minute we were both reluctant to complain and send it back. They still had the rest of our meal hostage in the kitchen. I mean, who knows WHAT they would do to it if we sent the appetizer back, right? So we ate what was there and we shut up and ordered another daiquiri. After all, we’ve seen 20/20! Who wants to worry about somebody doing something to your food?

So I’m wondering….what do you do when you get unsatisfactory food or service in a restaurant? Do you worry about what the waitstaff or cooks will think? It’s every diner’s dilemma at some point!

Things I’d Like To Do Someday

Life goes kind of quick and watching some people I know be confronted with the end being imminent has gotten me thinking. Here are some things I have thought I would like to have done before I’m through here. Some of them are not realistic, but one can always dream, right? I’m sure others will come to me once I finish this post!

1. Have my palm read. I know I might not like what they tell me, but I have always thought it would be so interesting to see what a palm reader might say about me. Actually it might freak me out a little!

2. Ride in a hot air balloon. When I was in middle school I did a project on hot air balloon travel and have been intrigued ever since. It seems like it would be so awesome to float along, but it would have to be at one of those cool hot air balloon convention things where there are like 20 of them in the sky all at once!

3. Have my hair cut by Jonathan Antin. Have you SEEN him in action on Blowout? He gives good hair. I LIVE for good hair days and I don’t have many of them.

4. Walk on the red carpet at the Academy Awards or the Emmy Awards. With the celebrities. And attending the after-parties would be cool, too. Rubbing elbows with Jennifer Aniston or Patrick Dempsey? Yummy.

5. Go to the Oprah show. Just once. And if it could be one of her shows about her Favorite Things, well that would be just peachy!

6. Build a house with Extreme Home Makeover. Or Habitat for Humanity. This just sounds cool to me. I mean, what a big way to make someone’s life a better place. Everyone should have a Home Sweet Home.

7. Learn to Country Line Dance. I had the chance when I went to Nashville last summer as we walked past the Wildhorse Saloon, and I didn’t do it. Cuz no one else wanted to. I hate that peer pressure thing. I should have ditched them and done it myself. Dumb! Of course being in a saloon in Nashville alone late at night, well……maybe not such a good idea. Actually I would like to learn any kind of dance after watching Dancing with the Stars!

8. Go white water rafting. The tamer rapids would suit me fine. It just seems like it would be a thrill. It doesn’t have to be death defying or anything.

9. Breast augmentation. I know this sounds like a wierd one and probably pretty shallow, but really, I just do not have them. Boobs, I mean. I know it shouldn’t be important, but it sucks being small. Really it does. It would probably be less expensive to invest in a boob job than pay for all the Wonder Bras from Victoria’s Secret that I’ve had to invest in over time. I wouldn’t want huge breasts. Just something respectable. I’d give my right arm to look like a Pussycat Doll for just one day. Well, maybe not my right arm. Maybe the left one.

10. Shop at the Pike Place Market in Seattle. Between the food, the flowers and those guys that throw the fish around, oh my gosh, it’s gotta be so neat. But then I would have to have a place out there to put the flowers and cook the food. Okay, I’ll take that, too.

It’s your turn. What is something that you would like to do someday? Come on, let’s hear it……please share!

Phone Phobia

Okay. Can someone please tell me why I am the ONLY person in this house who seems to be able to acknowledge the ring of the telephone? It rings and rings and rings and no one in this house moves to answer it, EXCEPT ME. There are three other people living in this house, but if mom doesn’t get it then it does not get answered. Period. Someone who is not me could be sitting on the phone and still not answer it and I will have to run in from three rooms away and pry it out from underneath someone’s fanny to do it myself.

Is it possible that our telephone ring is like a dog whistle and I am the only one with sophisticated enough hearing to actually hear it?

Nope. Because when I asked why no one else answers the phone, here’s the answer I got: Because it’s always for you anyway, mom. Argh!

End rant.

Date Night again

We don’t usually go out two weekends in a row, but we got a bonus this week. Saturday was date night and we had tickets to see the comedian, Kathy Griffin, in concert. If you know anything about her, she has a gift for ragging on celebrities, saying the things that lots of people are thinking but might not say, and sprinkling all of it liberally with foul language. She was awesome!

If you read People magazine or watch Entertainment Tonight or Extra, you will certainly understand how she comes up with her stuff. She had commentary on Tom/Kat/Suri and ridiculous baby names, scientology, John Travolta, Star Jones, George Bush, Oprah Winfrey, Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, Ryan Seacrest and American Idol, Teri Hatcher, the Heather Locklear/Richie Sambora/Denise Richards love triangle…..and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. It was hilarious.

Put it this way, the show was 90 minutes and it felt like 10 and when it was over I wished it wasn’t. It was so much fun to laugh until my cheeks hurt! Trust me, if you like her kind of humor, you should definitely go if she comes your way. Worth every penny.